Dear Ellie

Dear Ellie,

I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you today.  I was thinking about our life together and how grateful I am for you.  I was thinking about how much I love to cuddle you.  How you always smell like heaven and sound like an angel.  I love the way you sigh at night and sometimes giggle in your sleep.  Those sleepy smiles are my favorite.  I love your big blue eyes and how they sparkle in the sun.  I love how you sneeze every time we walk outside.  I even love the way you gulp down your bottles like you are a starving baby even though you just ate an hour ago.

I want you to know I can't wait until we get to play together everyday.  I sometimes panic about how fast you are growing up.  I think about when you start school and what I am going to do without you all day. But it makes me happy to think about making after school treats with you and finding out what your favorite things to cook and eat are.  I can't wait to pack your lunches and kiss that sweet little mouth when I drop you off at school everyday.  When you come home I promise to spend every second with you.

 I will encourage you to do what ever sport you would like and will probably sign you up for dance and piano whether you like it or not. But I also promise to sit with you and help you learn to play and listen to you and tell you how good you are getting and how proud of you I am.  I will never miss a recital or a game.  I will be the loudest mom there and I hope you don't get embarrassed and understand that I am just a cheerleader at heart.  There will never be a moment in your life that you won't be able to count on me for anything. You are the one person in the world I would literally give up everything for.

I want you to know that learning is something I love.  I will always read books to you and do puzzles with you and take you to museums.  I hope you love to travel and learn about new places as much as I do because we will do a lot of that together.  I can't wait to take you to London and show you my favorite places in the world.  I will let you feed the swans at Kensington gardens and take you to see all the beautiful castles.  I will tell you about all of the kings and queens and leave out all of the gory dark stuff until you are older.  We will play at Holland park and ride the tube all around the city.  You will love the big red buses and the water fountain in front of the national gallery (you are allowed to swim in it during the summer ;) ) I will always be there to help you with your homework, but don't be mad when I seem like I know everything.  Sometimes I do that and I am working really hard to stop.  I will always push you to do your best and tell you anything is possible.  I hope you know that little one...anything is possible if you put your mind to it.

I also want you to know I love reading scriptures with you.  You are my little love and inspire me everyday.  I hope you know I love the gospel and always will.  Don't ever make plans on Monday night and Yes you are going to mutual...no matter how much homework you have.  Prayers are where you find strength my love.  They will become more and more important as you grow.  I can't wait to hear your sweet prayers and when you get older and life gets harder I can't wait to hear your humble heartfelt prayers.  I always pray for you.  I know Heavenly Father loves you and will listen and answer your prayers when the time is right.

Ellie I want you to know that sometimes I cry too.  Sometimes I'm not strong.  Sometimes I hurt.  Sometimes I'm scared.  But also know that no matter how many tears I cry or how bad I'm hurting that I know Heavenly Father loves me and that I'm not going to give up. However long and hard the road may be I will never give up.  I hope I can teach you to never give up as well. Know that there are somethings you can change and there are somethings you can not change.  It takes a long time to figure out how to differentiate between the two, but it is very important to do.  Have courage my dear child to stand up for what is right. Know that you are a daughter of God and that you are the jewel of my heart. Also know that you are the reason I wake up every morning.  You are the last face I see when I go to bed at night.  If you weren't real I don't think I could make up someone so perfect for me.  I am amazed at how much Heavenly Father loves me...he gave me you.  After all the mistakes I've made and all my imperfections...he gave me you.

I think sometimes about how everyone is someone's "ellie".  About how we all are Heavenly Father's "ellies".  It gives me perspective on the love that God has for us all.  I hope you treat others with respect and kindness.  I hope you know your worth and that you are confident in all that you do.  I hope that you never quit. I hope that you live a life that you are proud of.  I hope others can see Christ through you. I hope that you are honest.  I hope you are happy. I promise to do everything I can to give you a great life and to teach you about laughing, love, books, medicine, dancing, singing, forgiveness, and all the other things that I hold as important gifts of life.  Never forget that I will never stop loving you.  You make my days bright and my nights sparkle.

Love Mommy