true confessions

So life has been more than crazy the past two and a half weeks. We are totally and completely in love with our beautiful daughter, but we are both exhausted.  I had one of my PA professors come up congradulate me and ask how I was doing. I replied with an honest "Im exhausted" and he commented "well weren't you exhausted before" implying that being a first year PA student is comparable to motherhood. I just laughed and told him, "I didn't know the meaning of exhaustion before Ellie was born".  Maybe its because I am a first time mom and a first year graduate student not only trying to keep my baby alive and healthy but learn enough medicine to keep other people alive and healthy as well. But I have taken on quite a task and there are days even I don't know how I do it. Basically our day starts out with a six am pump session, then getting ready for school, an eight am pump session, three hours at school, rush home for lunch and another pump session, another couple hours at school, rush home for another pump session (meanwhile the tank has eaten all the food I have previously pumped for her), try to get in some study time (but honestly when I have the choice to just sit on my bed and rub her back and feet instead of studying...I choose that everytime), make dinner, give Ellie a bath, feed her, change her diaper, pump more, fall asleep with my make up and clothes on, wake up by her little grunts every three hours to feed/change her, and wake up and do it all over again. I just got over a little cold and I swear the day i feel better Leon gets one ten times worse.  He does all the night time duties so I'm sure he isn't getting much sleep.  I got to school the other day and looked down at my shoes only to realize I was wearing them on the wrong feet. I don't think we have a piece of furniture that hasn't been urinated on. Leon has even been pooped on twice in the past two weeks. Its funny how bodily functions consume a parents mind. I am desperately wanting her to burp everytime she eats so she dosen't spit up and then when she is done i just wait for the sound that tells me its time to change that dipey.  Sleeping in doesn't exsist anymore and leon's ME time is pretty much a lost cause. I mean all the weight I put on for this little chicka is literally disappearing because I have to choose whether to eat, shower, or sleep. But those beautiful blue eyes and contagious smile make up for it all.  I still am trying to find the right balance of school and family time. I swear I think about quitting school everyday because I miss that little girl so much.  There is nothing like being a mom and I can only imagine how much crazier life is going to get but we are enjoying every minute with our amazing baby. She reminds us everyday why life is worth living and what truly is important. The sounds she makes and the way she smells when you breath her in makes me believe in everything good this world has to offer. I can't say this is easy and if you asked me if I would do it the same all over again i might be tempted to tell you no way...but I know I would be lying.

One Week

This week has been the best, most exhausting, and most stressful week of my life.  Having Ellie in our lives feels so right and so amazing. I have never loved anything the way I love her. Just looking at her can make me cry because I am so grateful to have been given such a beautiful and amazing gift. Becoming a mom for the first time has been a priceless experience.  Ellie is such a good baby she never cries, she sleeps for most of the day and almost all night.  When she does wake up at night I can just hear her rooting and cooing which wakes me up and lets me know when to feed her.  She has had her share of accidents already though. This morning in particular I was changing her diaper and didn't put anything under the couch and she urinated all over our couch.  Leon heard me scream and left the bath he was filling up, then noticed a trickling sound.  The bath was overflowing and water flooded the kitchen counter and floor.  We couldn't help but laugh at our crazy morning. She lost her umbilical chord too :( She is growing so fast.  Holli and Mimi came to visit this week with the boys. Holli was nice enough to do a newborn shoot with miss Ellie Belly. Her are some of her creations.

She loves to eat her fingers and put her fingers in her eyes...this does not make Mom very happy lol

These are just a few of our precious little one.  This week has flown by and has been full of surprise little smiles and so much happiness.  Our little one is the best thing that has ever happened to us.  She is perfect in every way and we can't wait to spend the rest of our lives loving her.

Life is Beautiful

Same day two posts...I think that is the best Leon and I will ever do lol.  We have both had the most amazing week of our lives.  I have been so anxious since the last week of August when I found a wet spot on my jeans and made my first trip to the hospital.  We went to San Diego for my summer break and spent the week lounging on the beach, kayaking, and getting cultured by Shakespeare.

Leon and I at the Old Globe Theatre

La Jolla Shores after Kayaking

Leon and I at Newport

The day we were suppose to leave I went to the DMV and when I came back I found the wet spot...so I naturally thought my water broke because I couldn't have possibly peed my pants without knowing it right?  I went to the hospital and sure enough I wasn't even dilated or effaced...I just peed my pants.  That was Monday and on Thursday we went to Thatcher to spend some time with Leon's family before school started up again.  I got really nervous Thursday night because Ellie (who was a big time mover) hadn't moved for an hour or two.  I again went to the hospital (What a lame first time mom I know two hospital visits in one week lol) and they found the heartbeat.  I was so relieved! But they were concerned about my contractions so they gave me a shot of trib and told me to come back the next day.  I had dilated to a three and was 50% effaced.  The next day i lost my plug and continued with the contractions.  I went in again that night and was 4cm and 70%.  They flew me in a helicopter back to Mesa all alone. I was so scared and missed my husband.  I got there and they checked me and nothing changed so they sent me home.  I felt like it was time after that and I was so anxious from that moment forward, googling everything about how to put yourself into labor naturally.  Finally at 38 wks my doctor decided he would strip my membranes and I went into labor that night. I started to feel menstrual like cramps and waited an hour in fear of another false scared.  I went to the hospital around four thirty (Leon was so excited lol) and it was the real deal this time and I went into the triage 90% and 5cm.  They admitted me right away and I got the epidural 10min later. It was amazing. After that I felt nothing and Leon and I cuddled in the hospital bed until it was time.  Dr. Huish came in at 7:30 and broke my water (poor Ellie has a little scratch on her head as proof).  Then the cuddling until about tenish and I started pushing at eleven and baby Ellie came out at 11:48 am.  I was pushing for about an hour and when they put the little angel on my chest right after she came out I started to cry.  This little girl all of a sudden was real and so incredible.  I looked at my husband and he was teary eyed too.  Our lives had just changed forever...and it felt so good.

My brand new addition...I look so tired

That day Grandma Julie, Mimi, Jaxon, Aunt Lisa, Taylor, Uncle Jim, Melissa, Megan, Carlie, Kali, Maddie, and sister Richards all came to visit us in the hospital.  I loved the company but naturally had to entertain the guests while "Dad" hogged the baby.  I wanted so badly to sleep with her that night but they told me not to fall asleep with her in the bed because she might fall off and break her skull.  So I just did not really go to sleep.  I couldn't put the baby down I wanted to laugh and cry and scream for joy all at the same time.  All I could do was sit and pray to Heavenly Father and thank him for the amazing blessings I have been given. I watched my sweet husband sleeping on the couch next to my bed and looked at the amazing child in my arms and knew that I was so loved by my Heavenly Father.  I can't believe how much my life has changed for the better because of my amazing little family.

Daddy and Ellie leaving the hospital

My perfect piece of heaven

Ellie Belly

Daddy being a baby hog lol

Ellie sleeping with Daddy while Mommy gets ready for school (Not fair)

My family is amazing and I am so far beyond blessed to have the beautiful child and amazing husband that I do. I will forever be thankful for Heaven's generosity.  I love this baby!!

Ellie Callait Johnson

Leon here. Brittany has decided to allow me to post from time to time. I guess a bad post is better than no post at all right? Well, I just wanted to let everyone know that we have a beautiful, wonderful new addition to our family! We named her Ellie Callait Johnson. One might ask, "What's up with that middle name?" I'll tell you. Ellie Johnson is just such an all-American, vanilla name, so we wanted to spice it up a little bit with the middle name rather than going with the usual Marie or Anne. Callait is an ancient Greek word that means beautiful and honorable. It is pronounced ku-lay. We hope that Ellie will live up to this name by being beautiful both inside and out, and by always striving to be honorable in the choices she makes throughout her life.

Brittany with her oxygen mask about an hour before starting to push

So here's the story: on Monday, September 13, we went to the doctor's office and had him strip Brittany's membranes in hopes that we could start labor a little sooner than her due date of the 27th. We didn't think it would happen soon if it worked, but to our surprise, Brittany started having powerful contractions at about 2 a.m. on Tuesday morning. Not wanting a repeat episode of our adventure in Thatcher when they flew Brittany out to Mesa in a helicopter, we waited a few hours to be sure it was the real deal before going to the hospital. Once we got there, Brittany was already 5 centimeters dilated and 90% effaced. They gave her an epidural as soon as they admitted her and then we just napped until about 10 a.m. We had a big scare at about that time because the nurse came in and gave Brittany an oxygen mask, explaining to us that each time Brittany had a contraction, the baby's heart rate dropped drastically. She said that maybe a cord was wrapped around Ellie's neck. This worried us a little bit (well it worried Brittany a lot), and each time she had a contraction we could see that the heart rate went down from around 150 bpm to about 60 bpm. However, the nurse didn't seem to be too worried about it and said that if it was serious the doctor would be in there to help out.

Our little Ellie just after coming from heaven



So, Brittany continued to contract and dilate until about 11 a.m., when the doctor came in and said that it was time to push! It was so exciting and Brittany did such a good job. It made me feel so much love towards her to see her doing such a good job and giving her all to make sure our baby girl  came into the world safely. What an experience it was when I first saw her head protrude a little bit! I could see from the first glance that she already had a lot of gorgeous blond hair. Brittany kept on pushing and finally got to the point where the head stopped going back in so much each time. It was very sad for me to see that the doctor decided to do an episiotomy, I was shocked to see him just grab some scissors and make a huge cut. But it worked and sweet little Ellie came into the world at 11:48 a.m. on Tuesday, September 14, 2010. We were so grateful to Heavenly Father for sending us such a healthy, happy baby. She hardly cried at all when she came out, which we thought was a little weird, but it turns out that she just isn't a big crier.  They weighed and measured her, and she came in at 7 pounds 1 ounce and 20" long. As soon as the birth was done Brittany said, "That really wasn't bad at all, I could do this again soon." And the truth is that she was blessed to have a smooth delivery.

Mommy with our little angel

After the delivery, we were surprised to have a visit from my uncle Jim. He was the first to come visit us and we were very grateful for his support and caring. After that, we were moved to the post-partum room and enjoyed receiving visits from my mom Julie, Brittany's mom Jackie, Britt's brother Jaxon, and my sister Lisa. Several of Brittany's classmates and friends from PA school also came to congratulate us and wish us well. Ellie was certainly the star of the room and daddy may have been a little too much of a baby hog, so people didn't get to hold her very much, but I just wanted to hold her close and be with her as much as I could. I just wanted her to know that her daddy will always be there for her to take care of her and love her.

Daddy with Doctor Huish and baby Ellie

The first night with her was something to always remember. She slept like an angel and mommy and daddy just got to hold her and cuddle her all night. I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch, but it seems like Ellie is going to be a very chill baby. She almost never cries, and when she does, she stops as soon as we get her fed or warmer or whatever it is that she wants.

Well, I have much more to write, but I'm going to have to do it in a later post. Talk to you later!